Somebody buy me a drink,
for this day truly does stink.
I'll tell you a tale'
of my epic fail'
and you'll see that I need a stiff drink.

There once was a girl from Spokan,
I found later to be truely a man,
in drunken stupor,
I thought to screw her,
now I'm locked in the back of his van.

Straining against all my bindings,
I look though the windows and these were my findings'
to the left was a wall,
to the right was a door to hell,
and to the rear was a path that was winding.

I somehow regained my freedom,
stumbling out into the wintery season,
wandering down the path to civilization,
I came to the realization'
that my hair was covered in semen.

And that my friends is why,
I need a great deal of rye,
to drown the memories,
of those false mamories,
I cannot do this while dry.